I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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