Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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