I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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