How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
