The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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