I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
