Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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