sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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