I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
