Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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