i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
