Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
