Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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