I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
