sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
