he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
