Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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