I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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