Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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