Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
