Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
