I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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