thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
