Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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