wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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