It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
