I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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