i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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