I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
