He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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