yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
