There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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