i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
