Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
