If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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