Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
