dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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