My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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