I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize