Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
