I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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