I smell stomach acid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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