WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
