How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
