Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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