so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
