Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
