Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize