What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
