My liver just broke up with me...
Barsexuality is the new black.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
