apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
