I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
