That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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