I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
