How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
