So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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