Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
