I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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