so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
