So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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