You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
