Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
