Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
