is your mom at the bar?
4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
