i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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