Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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