There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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