gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
