I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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