My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just gift wrapped bread.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
