I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
