I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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