everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think people are normalizing furries
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize