walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
