Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
