just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
