and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
