no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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