Pappa wants mamma naked
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
