somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
