Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
