i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
