Buhtt sex?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
