420 ftw
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
