I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize