people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
