it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
