A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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