Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize