halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
