Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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