no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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