i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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