It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We have so much sex to catch up on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
