I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
