Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I came so hard my ears popped.
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