I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
